It’s Party Time: Take 2

Yesterday, my oldest went to his first “friend-from-school” birthday party. He has been to family and family friends’ kid birthday parties but never to a birthday party of a child whose parent I did not know personally.

This birthday party was at a park. I had only met the father in passing and I knew the child by face and name. I was nervous. I was going to a stranger’s son’s birthday party. How do I act? What do I wear? AM I really this paranoid?

I drove my husband crazy!

You would have assumed it was my birthday party and strangers were invited! sheesh!

This park has at least 3 separate entrances and if you go in the wrong one…well then you have to get back in the car and drive back out and play peek-a-boo until you find the right entrance which will lead you to the designated party shelter… Let’s just say we entered all three entrances before locating the designated shelter!

Although my oldest was the one invited to the party the father had said it was ok to bring my youngest son as well. So we came as a family. Immediately, my sons went on the rented bouncy slide while I introduced myself to the mom and assorted family members.

I had the usual interesting mom conversations about potty training, picky eaters and why the heck we decided to  be a WAHM or A SAHM. …. oh and we talked about food… yummy glorious delicious food… hehehe

The boys played and played and played and then it was cake time. My oldest kept trying to blow out the candle and eat the icing during the happy birthday song. But he surprised me by restraining himself during present time and not grabbing any of the presents.

The boys were angels. I was so proud of them.


It’s Party Time

Yesterday, my oldest went to his first “friend-from-school” birthday party. He has been to family and family friends’ kid birthday parties but never to a birthday party of a child whose parent I did not know personally.

This birthday party was at a park. I had only met the father in passing and I knew the child by face and name. I was nervous. I was going to a stranger’s son’s birthday party. How do I act? What do I wear? AM I really this paranoid?

I drove my husband crazy!

First impressions mean a lot and in this case I felt I was an example of who my son is so I wanted to be liked. Because if they like me then they’ll approve of my son! [gee, do I have issues or what? Seriously, I do have issues]

I want for my children something I hardly felt growing up. I want them to be accepted socially. Half of me wants them to be popular but then I don’t want them to be the popular jerk who bullies. I want them to be the kid everyone likes. The kid people trust, respect and also have fun with.

I put this pressure on myself about my kids. I don’t want to foist my baggage on to them but how can I not? In order for them to be self-confident and self-possessed.. not only do I have to encourage that but also be an example of that and I am far from it. I am reactionary, belligerent, confrontational and irrational in many situations. I don’t want to be a trigger happy example to my sons.

I started this article wanting to write a quick funny piece and ended up analyzing my faults, putting more pressure on myself and adding more guilt. Sigh!

Just in case anyone ever reads this and wonders why it is public and not private let me explain.

1} This is therapeutic for me to write and many times I’ve come across personal blogs that have helped me realize I’m not alone in feeling the way I do

2}It feels more like I’m talking to someone when the setting is public and not private. it doesn’t feel like I’m talking to myself

3}I can be a bit self involved and heck this blog is for me and in person I say what I’m thinking so why blunt myself on-line?

4} Why not?

Kiss Me Booger Face

As I’ve said before I love my boys. I love their smiles and their laughter and given some space and time to consider I even love their tantrums, whines and eccentricities. I love their hugs and kisses.

I understand the saying boys will be boys. I understand that their behavior can change in a millisecond depending on hunger, thirst, boredom and tiredness. I understand they like mud, bugs, sticks, acorns and any other germ infested thing they can find….

However, I fail to understand how my boys can get so damn filthy when we stayed home all day. Their nails and feet are black. Clear snot is on my 2 year old’s face busy collecting any stray grain of dirt or food come into contact with his face. My oldest oftentimes smells like urine because he is mostly potty trained but still gets that initial droplet of pee on his undies that warns him of the impending potty break.

I try to keep a clean house…sort of.. I try to keep the boys clean and dry… most of the time. Yet, obviously I’m failing at something…. I cringe to think of my grandmothers or in-laws coming and seeing my boys in such a mess. But hey this is my mess and my life… what can I do? I am a Stay at home mom but I have never been a home maker. I am a mom but I’ll never be June Cleaver.

SO my kids have black feet and dirty nails 15 out of 24 hours a day. I can’t keep up with the steady stream of clear snot or the dribbles of pee. I hate cleaning… but I love my boys and I try hard to be a better mom and yes even a better home makers…I just wish the snot wasn’t so cold and wet on my cheek after my 2 yr old’s sweet kiss


Sigh! Eventually I will get a hang of this blogging thing. I accidentally deleted a comment from a man who goes under the name of Restoring Tally. He wrote that he was a son who was circumcised at birth and hates the fact that he was circumcised. He is in the process of restoring his foreskin.

For those of you thinking, “hey if he can restore it then circumcision isn’t a big deal.”
It is a big deal! In 10-15 minutes a boy’s foreskin is forcibly detached from his glans, put in a device and amputated off.
In order to regain glans coverage it takes some men years of gently tugging and stretching the stub of a foreskin. google: foreskin restoration
The man does not regain the skin that was cut off… He simply regains some coverage and this coverage helps re-moisturize the head of the penis and helps protect the head from being chaffed by clothes.

If you leave your son’s foreskin alone and whole. You do not retract it. Eventually he will retract it himself. (obviously you will need to inform him eventually just in case) and he will clean himself.
And if he decides he wants to be circumcised later he can.
In an outpatient procedure he can get the foreskin cut and stitched. It will take about 4-6 weeks to heal and may be really sensitive for months.
So his “change” will be weeks and months instead of years! AND guess what he gets to wear silk boxers, take warm salt baths and get pain medicines (the good stuff)
He won’t be sitting in a wet diaper, with only Vaseline and maybe Tylenol to take the edge off.
(my opinion Tylenol doesn’t do crap!)

So sorry Restoring Tally I did not mean to delete your comment I’m still working the kinks out and I’m on my phone.

update: I’m now on my computer and I was able to restore the comments. Have an nice day!

Be a better mom

Lately, I’ve been psycho mom. Yet, the amount of love my boys show me even when I’m at my worst always amazes me.
Last night I danced with my almost 4 yr old. Neither one of us has any grace but it was one of the best moments of my day, week, month…
Then later as I rocked and nursed my almost 2 yr old to sleep I was filled with such tenderness and and that gushy feeling that I just wanted to bury my nose in his neck and just be surrounded by his warm scent.
When I am at my worst I know I love my sons and when I am at the best I am engulfed by that feeling.
I am always striving to be a better mom and one day I will be.


Today, I will be going to my boys’ daycare for a pre-Thanksgiving lunch. This all brings it home that the fall/winter holidays are here. Hopefully, I remember to be thankful for all my blessings instead of being grouchy about all my disappointments.

Disgust with self

I am my own worst enemy. I am selfish. I am angry. I yell. I rant. I’ve blown things out of proportion.
I love my kids.
My precious boys who don’t deserve to see mommy out of control.
Their whining is like nails scratching a chalk board, like a cellphone ringing in church, just annoying, irritating and it makes me an irrational lunatic.
I lose my temper. I storm. I rage. Then I calm. Feel remorse. Feel guilt. Cry.
My sons, my sons, my darlings.
I am your mother. I am the adult. I am the one who needs to get control. Not control of you but of myself. I cannot control your whines or tantrums but I can control my reaction. I need to control my reaction.

I’ve noticed I’m worse in the middle of my menstrual cycle and practically rabid right before my period. Should I see the dr about pmdd? In already on zoloft… Will more medication help? Should I try meditation?
I should probably try prayer. I need to be closer to God.
Lord, help me! Lord, help me!!!


Yikes! I was reading today that 4.2 grams of sugar equals one teaspoon. To put this in perspective there is about 35-40 grams of sugar in a can of soda. That equals about 10 teaspoons of sugar in one can. No wonder we have an obesity problem!

I googled: convert grams of sugar into teaspoons

I need coffee

Infant Coffee – 6 Tips for Coffee Drinking Parents (

I thought this was an all too true article. Before I got married I was going to college and working at Barnes and Noble in Miami. I was downing 2-8 cups [8 oz-cups] of coffee a day between my morning cup(s), my class break cup(s) and my work break cup(s). Then I got married and was working at a school. The coffee continued to flow in my veins. In fact if I skipped my morning cup of coffee I got headaches. I was so hooked that on my honeymoon in the Dominican Republic I had to have family friends try to brew me a cup of American Coffee because the espresso, although extremely strong and very caffeinated, didn’t hit my body correctly so I was jittery with headaches. No good.

Anyways, then I found out I was pregnant the first time. I can’t remember but I assume I cut out all caffeine. That pregnancy ended in miscarriage in the first trimester. With my second pregnancy I switched to decaf and detoxed the caffeine out of my system. Although, I did occasionally indulge in a white chocolate mocha coffee… yum! After my first son was born I was solely on decaf. Then some family friends came to dinner and brought little espresso cups and espresso with them. So I made the espresso and me and my nursing 3 month old were up and cranky throughout the night. Stupidly the next day I again tried the espresso and my little breastfeeder skipped his nap because he was hyped up on caffeine.

Unfortunately, my body had tasted the forbidden fruit of caffeine and I eventually switched from decaf to half-caf and then of course back to the FULLY CAFFEINATED!! With my 3rd pregnancy I continued to have my 1 weak 1/2 cup of coffee a day throughout the pregnancy and after the birth. My 2nd son is now about 22 month and still nursing. I am up to about 2-6 cups of coffee a day depending on if I go out for breakfast or meet up with a coffee drinking friend.

My addiction is now back to being well established. I drink more coffee than water. I know this is not good…. and to prove it I’m going to go down a few stolen gulps of water right now.


My darling darling son!

My darling son! My first-born! Why, why, why, do you fight me so? I can see it in your face and hear it in your voice, the tiredness. Why won’t you just take a nap? You will feel better and I will have more patience with you.
I don’t want to yell or say ugly things to you. I want you to always see love in my eye not annoyance and anger. I really want to be a good mother. I want to be encouraging and uplifting. I don’t want to break your beautiful and strong-willed spirit.
Oh God! Oh God, please give me strength and patience! Please!



    I have been very blessed in my life so far.  I have a wonderful, sensitive husband who cares about me and loves me unconditionally even though I’m a bit psycho. I have 2 young sons aged almost 4 and almost 2 who bring me so much laughter and tears. My oldest has told me no less than 100 times this week how much he loves me and my youngest [my booby monster] has rained sloppy wet kisses on my daily. I am a stay at home mother. I have a family and extended family that cares about me and  I have a home and can afford food and life’s luxuries.
    There are many who are not so blessed.
    The other day I drove past a heavily pregnant woman holding a sign outside Sam’s Club. The sign said that she only needed $35 dollars to be able to stay in the motel for the night. As  I drove past my heart was pulled. I went home and took $100 out of a piggy bank. I didn’t want the lady to get bothered for trying to break $100 bill so I went to home depot and bought so ornaments to break the bill. I then went to the lady and handed her an envelope with $92 dollars in it and walked away. I know those $92 won’t take a way her poverty but I believe it did allow this woman a reprieve from the noon day sun. I don’t know how she spent the money and it isn’t my business.
    Afterwards, I felt like I benefited by getting the ornaments so I went to the grocery store and bought a “thanksgiving” food box for the needy. So although the lady did not get the full $100,  I at least gave the full $100. 

    I am not saying this to shine my halo. I’m writing this because I am constantly fighting with my greedy selfish heart. I begrudging spend $2.99 on juice boxes for the boys, or $5 for meat for dinner or $20 for a pair of jeans. I am a penny counter but ironically I like food shopping and clothes shopping[ for the boys]… I just try to get the best bang for my dollar…… although it would help if  I was a coupon cutter as well….

    My point is I know I am blessed! Very blessed! Surprisingly, this is a burden because I realize how truly ungrateful I am at times and how often I do not share my blessings enough.

let us try again: 1st post

    At the advice of family and friends who think I am way too opinionated I am starting a blog.
    I can’t promise correct grammar, spelling or punctuation. I can’t promise an interesting opinion either. I pretty much can’t promise anything other than saying what is on my mind.
    So let us start:
    I believe in God and Jesus… meaning I am a Christian… although I am often times a poor example of one.
    I am married to a man who is on his own journey to become an Episcopal priest… Imagine me a priest’s wife?! Yikes! Lord knows we will both need divine mercy!
    I am a mother of 2 wonderful boys. Wonderful meaning they are kicking my ass and I’m on my knees daily praying for God to give me strength. Actually, it isn’t that bad but sometimes I wonder….. 

    My Opinions:
    I believe that most mothers should at least attempt breastfeeding or provide breast milk. I think there should be a better support system in place for women to be able to breastfeed infants as well as toddlers around family and in public.
    I believe in genital integrity for all minors. Which means I don’t believe in non-therapeutic routine infant/child circumcision. I believe that sometimes there is a medical need for circumcision but if it ain’t broke, it don’t need fixing so leave it the hell alone!!! An adult can choose any alterations
    I think our health care system and education system is crap but I know I don’t have the knowledge or know-how to fix it and I don’t believe the politicians do either. I did go to college and I did receive a Bachelor’s of Science degree in Social Studies Education and this in no way makes me qualified to pass judgments on our educational system. However, I grew up in this educational system and that is what makes me qualified to judge it and find it lacking.
    I have had good health insurance, poor quality health insurance and been without health insurance so I can pretty much say I hate our health system and say to from either side of the fence.
    I do vaccinate my children because I do think vaccines do help most people. However, I do think that some people have been legitimately injured by vaccines and that there should be more legitimate and proper studies done that are not funded by drug companies.

    I am full of opinions, beliefs and thoughts and the above mentions is only scratching the surface of my confused and cluttered mind…. so I hope, I hope that at some point I actually make sense.