Disgust with self

I am my own worst enemy. I am selfish. I am angry. I yell. I rant. I’ve blown things out of proportion.
I love my kids.
My precious boys who don’t deserve to see mommy out of control.
Their whining is like nails scratching a chalk board, like a cellphone ringing in church, just annoying, irritating and it makes me an irrational lunatic.
I lose my temper. I storm. I rage. Then I calm. Feel remorse. Feel guilt. Cry.
My sons, my sons, my darlings.
I am your mother. I am the adult. I am the one who needs to get control. Not control of you but of myself. I cannot control your whines or tantrums but I can control my reaction. I need to control my reaction.

I’ve noticed I’m worse in the middle of my menstrual cycle and practically rabid right before my period. Should I see the dr about pmdd? In already on zoloft… Will more medication help? Should I try meditation?
I should probably try prayer. I need to be closer to God.
Lord, help me! Lord, help me!!!

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