Yesterday, my oldest went to his first “friend-from-school” birthday party. He has been to family and family friends’ kid birthday parties but never to a birthday party of a child whose parent I did not know personally.
This birthday party was at a park. I had only met the father in passing and I knew the child by face and name. I was nervous. I was going to a stranger’s son’s birthday party. How do I act? What do I wear? AM I really this paranoid?
I drove my husband crazy!
First impressions mean a lot and in this case I felt I was an example of who my son is so I wanted to be liked. Because if they like me then they’ll approve of my son! [gee, do I have issues or what? Seriously, I do have issues]
I want for my children something I hardly felt growing up. I want them to be accepted socially. Half of me wants them to be popular but then I don’t want them to be the popular jerk who bullies. I want them to be the kid everyone likes. The kid people trust, respect and also have fun with.
I put this pressure on myself about my kids. I don’t want to foist my baggage on to them but how can I not? In order for them to be self-confident and self-possessed.. not only do I have to encourage that but also be an example of that and I am far from it. I am reactionary, belligerent, confrontational and irrational in many situations. I don’t want to be a trigger happy example to my sons.
I started this article wanting to write a quick funny piece and ended up analyzing my faults, putting more pressure on myself and adding more guilt. Sigh!
Just in case anyone ever reads this and wonders why it is public and not private let me explain.
1} This is therapeutic for me to write and many times I’ve come across personal blogs that have helped me realize I’m not alone in feeling the way I do
2}It feels more like I’m talking to someone when the setting is public and not private. it doesn’t feel like I’m talking to myself
3}I can be a bit self involved and heck this blog is for me and in person I say what I’m thinking so why blunt myself on-line?
4} Why not?