Time

Well my oldest turned 4 yrs old 2 days ago. Wow! I’m still in shock! Time is passing so fast and he is growing up. Although I have to admit I love this age better than the baby/toddler age!

Yesterday both boys went for their yearly check up.
My oldest is 39 lbs
My youngest is 27 or 28 lbs (I don’t quite remember)

Poor things they both got 4 vaccinations. I’m still on the fence about vaccinations but thankfully they’ve never had any issues or reactions.

Oh! Night weaning is off and on depending on circumstances of that particular day.
We pushed the boys’ beds together so there is room for me to sleep there. Usually between 12:30-3:30 my youngest will get up and I’ll have to go lay down with them…. Sigh

I can’t wait to go to Tennessee this weekend without the boys. Just became hubby! Yeah! Vacations!

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The realist

Ok 2 days ago I was interrupted when I was starting a blog. 2 days later I have no clue what I was going to write about.
The title says “the realist”…. But I have no clue what was so important….
Hmmm chalk one up for momma brain….

The art of war

The Art of War… Have you ever read the book?
Well I haven’t, but I’m pretty sure it has to mention two brothers in the War of the Permanent Markers…

How am I going to survive?

Right now my youngest is naked and grabbing his own butt while making waka waka sounds.

And my oldest’s is shaking his naked butt at me.

Ahhh memories in the making.
Speaking of butts. The other day I picked up my oldest from daycare. The teaching gravely informs me that she had to “write up” an incident report on my son for touching a girl’s private parts.
I was mortified and angry at Sam. He knows better.
Then I find out he was simply grabbing her butt in a “butt chase” game…. You know the “I’m gonna get your butt game” and the girl was playing with him.
So now I have this official incident report of my oldest “copping a feel” of a girl’s private parts. The girl’s parents probably think my son is a perv.
For a butt game, a butt game!!! The incident report should have said inappropriate butt touching not touching private parts. Made it sound like he was grabbing her vagina.

Cracking

So for the past week or so both boys have been waking up at night. So we moved their beds to where they now share a room. It hasn’t helped.
I’m up for at least an hr total every night and it’s showing up in my parenting. I’m angry, tired, impatience and guilt laden.
I’m spread thin and I feel like I’m fraying at the edges.
I missed a day of my zoloft so maybe this is why I feel so “thin” but I broke down a cried real tears today. I never cry, well hardly ever. I haven’t cried like this since my miscarriage in 2006. The only other times I shed tears are during sappy love stories or sad movies. I’m just not in touch with my emotions that way. I don’t handle sadness well. I handle anger with a heavy hand but grief and sadness are wells I hardly ever tap. Yet in my exhaustion I just feel a torrent of emotional chaos. I love my sons, my husband and my life…. But I don’t want to be touched, I don’t want to be whined at, I can’t I can’t….

I know these feelings will pass. I know the kids will sleep again. I know things will change and work out. But I just want to run away and I can’t… Because I won’t… Because I love them… I just feel vulnerable and desolate right now.

I’ve been sick and not sleeping so I guess this is normal.
Needless to say night weaning is NOT going off without a hitch. He screams and screams while hold him.

I’m tired.