Hair Dye and happy

So for the first time in my adult life, of my own choice.. I took myself to the hair dresser on impulse and had my hair professionally dyed and cut. Obviously, I’ve gotten it cut before but this was the first time I paid someone to dye my hair. Not bad if I do say so myself.

i’m an odd ball. I am a very vain person but  i don’t care to put much effort or money into my appearance. I guess I just like to complain!

anyways, life has been a bit rocky lately but we are coping as a family.

well I am going to try to start thinking positive so… 5 things I’m happy about

1. me and hubby spent some quality time last night together

2. my boys are full of life and good humor despite my sometimes overbearing bad humor

3. I have a nice haircut that nicely frames my face

4. my hubby will be on summer break in a few weeks

5. our lives will be changing and be exciting in a few months as we plan and do our first move as a family to the middle of nowhere…..



I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to think. I don’t want to feel.  I want to sulk. I want to day dream. I want to be in my own world away from everything…..

but I can’t I am a mother and a wife. I have to be apart of other people’s lives. …. so I have to try my best. I have to be better than I am…at least eventually….

Trying Again

OK, this is a time for new beginnings on my blog.  In less than 3 months we will be moving to TN. I need to get my head around that and not think of the other stuff that is bothering me. So in an effort to be open and honest and have my blog somewhat public instead of private like a locked journal  I will try to reframe from hot button topics from this blog post forward.

I will try to openly evaluate myself and my thought processes but also remove myself from things that totally piss me off…. so my blog is public again…. for now

1/2 dose

Ok so I started taking a half tablet today as I’ve done some reading and people are saying that going off cold turkey can ness you up for months.
I’m already hanging on by a thin thread sooo…..

I’ve also need to stop reading about circumcision of infants. Circumcision is a painful surgical alteration on an infant for no reason other than preference. I cannot tattoo my youngster or pull his nails off because of a personal preference.

I am getting off of my high horse. In the next few days I will sign off of and not visit the debate centers again.

trouble brews I must run!

My oldest

My 4 yr old is driving me nuts! The whining and the general lack of self control is making me want to throw him against a walk! I realize he is just like me but damn damn damn I can’t take much more!
I’m trying my hardest to make a concerted effort not to yell at or spank him. Those 2 options do nothing but upset both of us and hurt out relationship.
I love my sons. Both of them! I just have reached my limit!
The zoloft helped before but it wasn’t perfect and I can’t have that as a crutch for the rest of my life!


Well it has been a week and a half since I took my zoloft. I can’t say it’s been easy. I’ve been stressed and shirt tempered as I learn to cope with myself again. I’ve been impulsive and rather expensive… A stroller, clothes, 2 carseats and shit load of groceries in days. Damn!!!
I’ve been very short with my oldest son but I am trying to keep in my mind that he is only 4!
This whole week both boys have been in daycare to help me cope.
My hubby still doesn’t know that I’m off the Zoloft although I told him several weeks ago I was thinking about slowly weaning off….(not the cold turkey bs I’m doing now)

I will be a better mom!

On a side note the boys are now the proud owners of 3 hermit crabs. Sunshine, sunsun, and Sid. (my oldest named them)

Oh and our 6 yr wedding anniversary is this weekend! Alex got me a keruig coffee maker and I got him some disarrouno amaretto liqueur, vacation photo frame and some blankets.
I love him.

The picture was taken from a facebook fan page. I think peaceful parenting in honor of genital integrity week in march…..


My brain feels heavy and burdened
My thoughts go no further than the fog in my mind.
I’m trying to wean off the zoloft antidepressant medicine again. I think the only way is cold turkey. Any other way leaves me just as tense and stressed but still addicted.
2 weeks to detox! I’m already 1/2 a week down. Can I survive? Will my kids survive? Can I get by without yelling like an insane woman?