I’ve been a bit behind. I had to return the book to the library and I argued with myself about buying the online kindle version of the book.
Scream Free Parenting By Hal Edward Runkel, LMFT:
“children are not machines or pets and parents are neither their operators or their owners.”
Reflection questions Chapter 4:
1) What was it like to imagine your and your families future? What was the hardest part? What did you like thinking about the most.
This question I can’t truly answer. I’m so pessimistic and skeptical about life and the future that I fear “thoughtful wishing.” When I think of the future I can only imagine the present or the near future…. Long term escapes me. I worry that I won’t have a close connection with my boys or even my hubby.
2) When you think about your effect on your child’s future, what is your first feeling: excitement, hope, fear, guilt, dread?
A cross between dread and hope
3) If you can be honest with yourself, how much do you hope your children fulfill your own ambitions? How well do you know their ambitions?
Honestly, I just want them to have ambition. Sometimes/most of the time I lack ambition and enthusiasm for an endeavor and I hope, yes “ I” hope, they have more ambition and drive than I do. I hope they have dreams and they want and drive to accomplish them no matter what. I’ve always been to insular and self-contained that I’ve hardly ever tried to given up too soon. Right now my kids want to be super heroes.
4) How self-directed is each of your children now? What steps have they taken recently toward self direction, and how have you encouraged that growth.
Well my oldest is only 4 and my youngest is only 2 so I will only answer this for the oldest.
My oldest is very self motivated when something interests him. Whether he is interested in dinosaurs, toads, animals or super heroes he immerses himself in them. I help it along by renting movies, buying/renting books, buying toys, pretend play, wrestling matches and frog hunts.
5) What does it mean to you to “let go of the final results?” What might that look like in terms of your relationship with your children?
That I can’t beat, yell, or enforce the final result into my children. I must lead by example and if they choose to follow my good examples good but if they choose to follow my bad examples now to hold myself too accountable because it is the choice they made. There are 2 decision makers here. I make decision to do something and they make a decision to do something… “Parents shape their children. Children shape themselves. Both are true”
Relationship-wise, me learning to relax my orders……