Martha vs Maxine funny

Hehehehe funny below

Matha Stewart and Maxine

Kitchen Tips

Martha:
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice cream cone to prevent ice cream drips

Maxine:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for god’s sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway!

Martha:
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

Maxine:
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix.
Keeps in the pantry for a decade.

Martha:
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won’t be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

Maxine:
Go to the bakery! Hell, they’ll even decorate it for you!

Martha:
If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it’s still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant ‘fix-me-up.’

Maxine:
If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, tough sh*t! Please recite with me the real woman’s motto:
‘I made it, you will eat it and I don’t care how bad it tastes!’

Martha:
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

Maxine:
Celery? What the hell is celery?!

Martha:
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

Maxine:
That kind of unnecessary crap isn’t in the Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions.

Martha:
Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Maxine:
IF the lime is from your third margarita!

Martha:
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dish washing gloves.
They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

Maxine:
Bullsh*t! Go ask the neighbor with the washboard abs to open it for you…. shirtless!

Martha:
Don’t throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

Maxine:
Leftover Wine, Martha?????? HELLO!!!!!!!

Lastly, if you don’t forward
this to 1 of your friends within
the next 5 minutes your belly
button will unscrew and your
butt will fall off. (Which may be really flattering for some!) Really….. It’s true!
Have I ever lied to you?

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