Just feeling gloomy tonight

I’m a poor vessel for passions
I wane more than most
My soul feels stagnant in this moment
I’ve withdrawn from life’s joust
As I sit surrounded by the ever darkening night
I ponder the shallow depths of my self
Where I’ve been, who I am, how i’ll become
More than that which I’ve been dealt.

My mind won’t quit
It continues it’s dreadful march
Towards the cliffs of uncertainty, doubt, anger, fear
And my self is left unrested, dissipating, parched….

– by me

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Gardening

Ok do it’s that time of year again. I’ve already started several seedlings.
Peas, basil and lettuce.
I’ve already killed the lettuce, most of the basil and 1/4 of the pea plants.
I’ve also grown tomato, bell pepper and zucchini seedlings and just transplanted then into a “Eco friendly transplantable” paper pot. I can’t tell which is which as I didn’t label and I’m not sure if they will make it as now they are all droopy… Sigh…. I suck at gardening but every yr I try….. Perhaps I should seriously study it but that’s like following a recipe…. Boring! Experimenting is way more fun…. Unfortunately more costly as well and sometimes with unsuccessful result…
I also bought a blueberry bush… Again….(did that and killed that last yr)
I bought a mature strawberry plant
An established chocolate mint plant, cilantro plant and rosemary plant.

Hopefully this yr something will survive my “blue/red/black/yellow/anything but green” thumb antics.

In my reading on plants tonight I found out
Carrot tops and young pea plants are edible and I’ve even looking into gardening using essential oils as pesticides and insect repellents.

I also found that tomato leaves and stems are poisonous and the tonato is in the nightshade family.

Soooo wish me luck…. I’m going to need it…

Update: so yesterday my dumb ass self thought it would be ok to lightly mist the plants with off deep woods insect repellent… Umm yeah…. That’s not ending too well…. Hopefully some of my plants survived my dumb ass ignorant folly….

On another note… Dude what is in the Insect repellent that would annihilate plant life? Is it really safe to be putting on our skin? On our children?

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Experiment: make your own k-cup

Experiment: make your own k-cup
Or rather
Reuse a k-cup

First use a kcup…
Drink delicious coffee
peel the foil off the k-cup
Dump used coffee grounds
Leave bottom filter in k-cup intact
Rinse the empty kcup with filter
Re-fill k cup with loose coffee grounds
Using a folded piece of foil tightly place the foil on top of the cup, trying your best to get the foil tight around the Rim of the k-cup
Brew a cup
Taste
May have coffee grounds in it if not tight enough…

I usually like a second cup during the day and sometimes dislike using another kcup because of the cost per cup.
I’m drinking my first cup of my experiment now. A little weak but satisfactory for me.

Update:
I tried it again. This time with coffee ground for a French press… Of course the coffee came out weak because the water didn’t sit in the grounds for 4 mins….
Next I will try espresso grounds to see how that comes out…. Until next time….

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Beyond the bris: post by young Jewish man

Very interesting read: from perspective of a circumcised Jewish young adult male.
http://www.beyondthebris.com/2012/03/me-but-not-my-son-young-jewish-man.html?spref=fb&m=1

Excerpts: please click the above link for full article.

By AL RUBENSTEIN

I am 21 years old, Jewish, and opposed to circumcision. I attend college in Indiana. I grew up in a small Southern town where my family was one of a handful of Jews. My parents were born and raised Jewish. I was circumcised when I was eight days old by a mohel at a brit milah.

My Jewish identity was always very important to me growing up. I went to synagogue a lot, spent my summers at a Jewish summer camp, had a bar mitzvah, and in high school was part of NFTY (North American Federation of Temple Youth). I went to Israel for a semester in high school. When I was a child and teenager, I was always proud to be Jewish, to be a part of G-d’s chosen people, to be in a culture that valued life and not death. I’m also a person who finds the idea of permanent body modification disturbing. I feel G-d made us the way we are for a reason. Every organ has a purpose. Even our imperfections are a sign of our individuality. When I found out I was circumcised, I was horrified.

………

It was difficult to talk to anyone about my feelings. When I did, I never got the support I was looking for. I had spoken to my parents about my own circumcision when I was 16. They didn’t take me seriously. My mom talked only of how difficult it was to get a mohel for me in our location. My dad laughed at my feebly spoken facts. In the end, they told me not to worry about it because it would be a long time before I had children. I felt defeated by that conversation. They made me feel I was wrong—that what I’d learned about circumcision and about the purpose and function of foreskin wasn’t true.

All I wanted from my parents was for them to say it was okay. That perhaps I had a point. I understood why my parents did this to me. I just needed some support. The conversation I had with my parents made everything worse. I still felt in my heart that what had been done to me was wrong, and that circumcision was a terrible thing, but I also felt I needed to accept the fact that I was circumcised and that one day, when I had sons, they would be too.

I finally broke out of the trap last summer when I realized two things. First, that people won’t care whether or not I circumcise my sons! Second, that it’s possible to undo some of the damage done by circumcision through a process called foreskin restoration.

…………..

No matter what, I can’t cut my kids. I will never know the advantages of being intact—how much difference this really makes—but I do know skinning a baby’s penis is wrong. I will give my sons the choice I never had. My boys will feel proud of what they are—Jewish and intact!

I also realized I had to do something about my penis. In the end, this is a very personal issue for me and waiting to make my stand when I have my first son isn’t enough. A lot of my feelings about circumcision come from feeling mutilated and less than human as a consequence of this procedure. So, I began restoring. Through consistent stretching of the remaining skin on the shaft of the penis, it’s possible over time to regain some of what I’ve lost. It can’t bring back everything—it cannot regrow nerves—but it does give me control over the issue. It’s making it so that when I look down there, I’m not focusing on what I’ve lost, but instead I’m fascinated by what I am gaining. It has allowed me to move on with my life, taking comfort in my own restoration.

……………..

Here are a few thoughts for dads and moms about talking to their circumcised sons. If your son ever comes and tells you he is angry or depressed because he was circumcised, be there for him. I think having someone to talk to, and who understands, would make all the difference in the world. Tell him about foreskin restoration and if he decides to do it, you support him. Even if he is worrying about having to circumcise kids he won’t have for another twenty years, these issues are very real to him, don’t dismiss them. Make sure he knows that if his circumcision is ever bothering him, he come to you and talk about it. I don’t feel like I got this support from my parents, but I hope you can give it to your son, if he goes through what I went through.

Future parents—if you aren’t sure about cutting your kids, please consider my experience. You don’t have to do it. I am not saying your child will feel like I do, but he might. I promise you he will be happy if you leave him be. He will be able to live life to its fullest because he will have every part he had coming out of the womb. He only gets one life on this planet. Give him the chance to experience it the way he is meant to.

…………….
A Comment on that article

(name removed)
And an intact Jewish male can always opt for brit milah at any time in later life. To choose milah for oneself after 21 years of age, believing that it is a mitzvah, and out of loyalty to the Jewish people and to millenia of Jewish tradition, carries a great deal of existential meaning. To cut a screaming newborn boy who cannot comprehend at all what he is experiencing, carries no meaning except cruelty to an infant.

Intactivism is NOT about abolishing Jewish circumcision. It is NOT about “forcing” spouses to experience marital intimacy with an unkosher penis. It is ONLY about delaying brit milah until it becomes an informed adult choice. Here’s hoping that Reform and Conservatice synagogues will accept without reservation congregants who had chosen to remain intact.

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Accepting the mom that I am: the connected mom

Good points to remember. Click the link and read the entire post.

the connected mom: http://www.theconnectedmom.com/2012/03/accepting-mother-i-am.html?m=1

I expect I will learn to control my temper.

The one thing I have the most trouble with on a regular basis is my temper. It’s awful and it’s the hardest thing for me to admit or talk about. My anger comes on in a flash, goes on like a switch, and is gone just as quickly. Unfortunately, what’s transpired in the interim is harder to get rid of. It goes against everything I try to do with my children in terms of parenting and disciplining them gently.

I wish so much that I could learn to breathe, refocus, and not be angry, for good. My anger is hard to let go of because it makes me feel strong and in control (the irony is not lost on me here—when I’m angry, I am absolutely not in control—my anger is). It’s my security blanket, the one thing I know I can go back to at any time and feel like myself. I grapple with it every single day of my life and am working so hard to let it go.

Most days are great. But some days are bad, and as many excuses as I make for allowing myself to react in anger (I’m pregnant, I’m sick, I didn’t get any sleep, my kids are being difficult, etc), the only person that can make this better is me. I don’t run from it. I talk to my kids about it and I don’t hide my struggle with it. I’m lucky and grateful that my family is loving and forgiving.

I have to accept the mother I am: imperfect, sometimes impatient, a yeller. Even though those negatives are what stick out in my mind during my worst moments of self-evaluation and criticism, I mother with so much more than that. I love, I cherish, and I agonize. I worry, I nurture, and I appreciate. I give thanks for and am in awe of my children every day. Late at night in the dark I think of all the things I could have done differently and all the things I did that I wish I hadn’t.

I’ve realized something: like life, parenting is a journey, and a work in progress. I’m going to make mistakes—many of them. I will feel a tremendous amount of guilt every time—there is no doubt about that. I feel a sense of hope that I’ll know better with each kid.

Then one of my kids looks at me, looks into my eyes as intently as I look into hers, and I know that she adores me, just the way I am. You could say it’s because she has no choice, but I say that maybe she loves me with my flaws. Maybe my imperfections are teaching my kids more than perfection ever could. Maybe watching me make mistakes and learning from them will teach my children tolerance and acceptance, and maybe they will allow themselves to make mistakes, and learn from them too.

Good Intentions, bad results- moralogous

http://www.moralogous.com/2012/02/14/good-intentions-bad-results/

Good intentions; bad results
By Lillian Dell’Aquila Cannon

In thinking about circumcision, I am often reminded that no parent has their child circumcised with the intent of hurting him. They always have the best intentions, often thinking that circumcision is vital to prevent infection or to cement paternal bonding or social status.

Sometimes, however, the circumcision results in greater than normal harm to the child, though this harm is often not seen until adulthood. To what am I referring? Sexual harm, of course. The very nature of circumcision as a modification of our most private parts means that the harms are rarely recognized, and even more rarely discussed. Adult men usually have not seen very many other penises in real life, let alone discussed how they feel or function. They definitely are not discussing any of this with their parents, and even if they did, it is too late to do anything about it. There is a feedback disconnect..

Circumcision survives because we do not discuss such things, but we need to. As a parent, my goal is to do my absolute best by my child. If I knew that something I intended to do might ruin my child’s sex life, I would be obligated to avoid it. In defending circumcision, some might say that “fitting in” or “matching dad” is worth the risk of severe sexual dysfunction, but that is not the parent’s decision to make. The harms and benefits will be borne by the child alone; thus he alone should make the decision.

Note to dogs and cats

Someone posted this on their Facebook. I don’t know where they got it but it’s funny!

The following was found posted very lowon a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. You, dogs and cats, can actually curl up in a ball when you sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time,there is no secret exit from the bathroom!If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don’t.
(2) If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That’s why they call it ‘fur’-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people..
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
(1) eat less,
(2) don’t ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don’t smoke or drink,
(7) don’t want to wear your clothes,
(8) don’t have to buy the latest fashions,
(9) don’t need a gazillion dollars for college and
(10)if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ..

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