Look at the stress written on his face
Same baby, same mother… one day later. After his circumcision, he just maintained the concerned look, with furrowed brows, even while he slept. It could have been pain from where they drew blood. Maybe.
So, for the week that followed I changed his diaper while he screamed the whole time. His little penis was red and tinges of blood would get on his diaper, even though I was putting petroleum jelly on it just like they said to. It wasn’t a little red. It was an angry red. And still I wondered why he was so upset. I remember telling him, “Mama has to change your diaper, honey.” As though what bothered him was not being wrapped up tightly. Maybe it was that. Maybe.
To this day, my son who is almost a teenager now, is still proving my old obstetrician wrong. He has asked me to get him a particular kind of underwear because his “completely normal” scar tissue causes discomfort. Sometimes, according to him, it even hurts. And the thing is, all of this discomfort and pain was pointless.
I was informed that my son would not feel a thing.
That might be one of the biggest lies I have ever fallen for.
From the comments section and her reply:
APRIL 28, 2013 AT 4:25 PM
The doctors weren’t lying.
It’s just that the “not feeling a thing” part comes later…
He’ll first notice that the doctors were “correct” in his twenties when he tries to practice safe sex by using a condom. At that point, he won’t feel a thing.
(He’ll give up on condoms at that point – hope he doesn’t catch anything.)
Later, in his thirties, or if he’s lucky, his forties, he’ll notice that the doctors were again “correct” when he tries to have sex even without a condom. Again, he won’t feel a thing.
Most of his pleasure nerves are gone now. He may be extra sensitive now, but that won’t last very long.
Before he knows it, his ever less sensitive penis will prove that the doctors were correct. He won’t feel a thing.
Oh, and just so you know. The only one “going through this” is HIM.
And he’ll be “going through this” for the rest of his life…
APRIL 28, 2013 AT 5:55 PM
When a mother expresses remorse and comes forward in an attempt to help prevent the atrocities in the future, it does no good further shaming her.
I appreciate the added facts, what to expect in the future. That was all good and imperative information to share. Your last two comments, however, felt as though they were intended to hurt me or at least to minimize the feelings of mothers who do feel pain because they realize that their child did.
Evidently, you do not understand what a mother “goes through” when she realizes that she had a part in something that unnecessarily harmed her baby. The truth is, circumcision harms much more than just the child who was cut. It harms the mother who realizes her mistake to her very core. It harms the partner he will eventually choose. It harms our society in general. There are more victims than just the primary one. And all of these aspects should be discussed.
Finally, it’s imperative for mothers to express their remorse. When they do, and they are shamed, it shows other women they should not speak up about their remorse.
The truth is, I believe that it’s mother’s talking about their remorse that will ultimately end this practice.
Both are powerful comments-
Shaming the mother or parents is wrong especially when they realize the mistake they made….this mom is sharing her story so others won’t feel her regret or her son’s pain
However, men (and women) who have been cut also feel the need (naturally) to lash out so that they to can leave a mark on the reader. The person who has been harmed is the child now grown up…. We must realize that these babies grow up and become adults…. Adults who may be angry…..
So parents- whether you chose to circumcise your children or not you should talk to them about circumcision so that when confronted with it in the future they can cope with it.
Once you’ve cone to the realization that circumcision of unconsenting minors is wrong let your child know so that when they grow up they don’t cut your grandchildren, so they advocate leaving children whole when asked by friends about circumcision…. Also if they are intact that they are proud to be whole and not ashamed because they are “deformed” in a cut-happy society!