Rage

My screams echo through my mind like a raging storm roaring through a cave. A whirlwind, a tidal wave of anger regrets and sorrow. I never thought, I never saw. I didn’t know that you were a rock in my heart… I didn’t know…..you were always there, I couldn’t see how much you meant because you were always there. now you’re gone and I’m empty and I don’t know
I can’t tell you I’m sorry. I can’t tell you I love you. I can’t tell you goodbye.
I’m like an iron bound Faye who is burning, hurt, tormented and I didn’t know, I didn’t know, I never thought that I would feel this. I never thought, I never thought to lose you. you were always there. you were always present. I’d leave and you were there. I’d come back and you were there. well , I’m back now and you’re gone
Why! it’s not fair, it’s not right, I took you for granted. I thought you were always going to be there and now I’m left with rage, sorrow screaming through my mind like a storm like a tidal wave and there’s nothing I can do about itI don’t want peace I want pain. I want rage, for those are real feelings. those will remind me never again to take another person for granted because even if they seem like they will always be there, one day they won’t be
You are gone and I’m left with the storm, a tidal wave raging through my mind and I just don’t know, I just don’t know, and you’re gone and I’m sorry
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Hey all, my 36 yr old, older brother unexpectedly died of heart failure last week on Sept. 27, 2014. I loved him but I didn’t appreciate him enough. I didn’t see him often lately and when I did, I teased him (as little sisters do) but I don’t know if I told him I loved him and how much he meant to me.
So take my advice: tell the people you love, that you love them. Be there for them.

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What I said at his memorial service
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David was my brother, no David is my brother. And as his sister, I don’t think I appreciated him enough, because I took him for granted. I thought, he was always going to be there, that he was always going to tease me, that I was always going to annoy him, that he would always be there as a presence for my children. Unfortunately, I was wrong. David has taught me, through his death, that when you love somebody you need to let them know, as often as you can, be it through the words I love you, be through little gestures like hugs, kisses, punches, pinches, uh I mean hugs and kisses. And I hope that this is a lesson that he is taught you. appreciate the people in your life even if you don’t always get along with them, even if you don’t always agree with them or their lifestyle choices, even if they are the most aggravating person in the world, which David was not I was. Appreciate your loved ones be they friends or family and never treat a stranger bad because you don’t know what they’re going through.
So grieve, rage but also laugh, love and live. Live your life for you only have one.IMG_2464.JPG

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