Show love

Hey all, my 36 yr old, older brother unexpectedly died of heart failure last week on Sept. 27, 2014. I loved him but I didn’t appreciate him enough. I didn’t see him often lately and when I did, I teased him (as little sisters do) but I don’t know if I told him I loved him and how much he meant to me.
So take my advice: tell the people you love, that you love them. Be there for them.

—-
What I said at his memorial service
—-
David was my brother, no David is my brother. And as his sister, I don’t think I appreciated him enough, because I took him for granted. I thought, he was always going to be there, that he was always going to tease me, that I was always going to annoy him, that he would always be there as a presence for my children. Unfortunately, I was wrong. David has taught me, through his death, that when you love somebody you need to let them know, as often as you can, be it through the words I love you, be through little gestures like hugs, kisses, punches, pinches, uh I mean hugs and kisses. And I hope that this is a lesson that he is taught you. appreciate the people in your life even if you don’t always get along with them, even if you don’t always agree with them or their lifestyle choices, even if they are the most aggravating person in the world, which David was not I was. Appreciate your loved ones be they friends or family and never treat a stranger bad because you don’t know what they’re going through.
So grieve, rage but also laugh, love and live. Live your life for you only have one.IMG_2464.JPG

IMG_2468.JPG

IMG_2844.JPG

IMG_2660.JPG

Advertisements

Your son won’t feel pain. Say what????

http://www.everythingbirthblog.com/

Exact link:
http://www.everythingbirthblog.com/2013/04/circumcision-the-doctor-told-me-he-wouldnt-feel-a-thing/

Before

20130429-092029.jpg

After:
Look at the stress written on his face

20130429-092115.jpg

Same baby, same mother… one day later. After his circumcision, he just maintained the concerned look, with furrowed brows, even while he slept. It could have been pain from where they drew blood. Maybe.
So, for the week that followed I changed his diaper while he screamed the whole time. His little penis was red and tinges of blood would get on his diaper, even though I was putting petroleum jelly on it just like they said to. It wasn’t a little red. It was an angry red. And still I wondered why he was so upset. I remember telling him, “Mama has to change your diaper, honey.” As though what bothered him was not being wrapped up tightly. Maybe it was that. Maybe.

To this day, my son who is almost a teenager now, is still proving my old obstetrician wrong. He has asked me to get him a particular kind of underwear because his “completely normal” scar tissue causes discomfort. Sometimes, according to him, it even hurts. And the thing is, all of this discomfort and pain was pointless.
I was informed that my son would not feel a thing.
That might be one of the biggest lies I have ever fallen for.
.

—-

From the comments section and her reply:

Jeff says:
APRIL 28, 2013 AT 4:25 PM
The doctors weren’t lying.
It’s just that the “not feeling a thing” part comes later…
He’ll first notice that the doctors were “correct” in his twenties when he tries to practice safe sex by using a condom. At that point, he won’t feel a thing.
(He’ll give up on condoms at that point – hope he doesn’t catch anything.)
Later, in his thirties, or if he’s lucky, his forties, he’ll notice that the doctors were again “correct” when he tries to have sex even without a condom. Again, he won’t feel a thing.
Most of his pleasure nerves are gone now. He may be extra sensitive now, but that won’t last very long.
Before he knows it, his ever less sensitive penis will prove that the doctors were correct. He won’t feel a thing.
Oh, and just so you know. The only one “going through this” is HIM.
And he’ll be “going through this” for the rest of his life…
REPLY
Dawn says:
APRIL 28, 2013 AT 5:55 PM
Jeff,
When a mother expresses remorse and comes forward in an attempt to help prevent the atrocities in the future, it does no good further shaming her.
I appreciate the added facts, what to expect in the future. That was all good and imperative information to share. Your last two comments, however, felt as though they were intended to hurt me or at least to minimize the feelings of mothers who do feel pain because they realize that their child did.
Evidently, you do not understand what a mother “goes through” when she realizes that she had a part in something that unnecessarily harmed her baby. The truth is, circumcision harms much more than just the child who was cut. It harms the mother who realizes her mistake to her very core. It harms the partner he will eventually choose. It harms our society in general. There are more victims than just the primary one. And all of these aspects should be discussed.
Finally, it’s imperative for mothers to express their remorse. When they do, and they are shamed, it shows other women they should not speak up about their remorse.
The truth is, I believe that it’s mother’s talking about their remorse that will ultimately end this practice.

……
Both are powerful comments-
Shaming the mother or parents is wrong especially when they realize the mistake they made….this mom is sharing her story so others won’t feel her regret or her son’s pain
However, men (and women) who have been cut also feel the need (naturally) to lash out so that they to can leave a mark on the reader. The person who has been harmed is the child now grown up…. We must realize that these babies grow up and become adults…. Adults who may be angry…..

So parents- whether you chose to circumcise your children or not you should talk to them about circumcision so that when confronted with it in the future they can cope with it.
Once you’ve cone to the realization that circumcision of unconsenting minors is wrong let your child know so that when they grow up they don’t cut your grandchildren, so they advocate leaving children whole when asked by friends about circumcision…. Also if they are intact that they are proud to be whole and not ashamed because they are “deformed” in a cut-happy society!

20130429-093909.jpg

“My son asked about his circumcision”

http://www.everythingbirthblog.com/2012/07/my-son-finally-asked-about-his-circumcision/

Yesterday, my ten year old son asked me if we could look through his baby albums. Every baby book has that one picture of the new baby, completely stark-naked, right? (Fingers crossed you just nodded to yourself.) When we got to that one, my son looked at it, then looked a little harder at it. Then he said, “Mom, what happened to my penis? It’s all red!”
I swallowed real hard. (My mom-pride doesn’t go down easy and we all know that I feel I made a mistake when I had my son circumcised.) Took a deep breath and said, “That’s where you were circumcised.”
He asked me what that meant.
I told him, “When you were born, you had a covering on the end of your penis called a foreskin. When you were circumcised, the doctor removed that covering.”
“What?!” He was shocked. “You let them cut off part of my penis off?! Why would you do that!?”
I explained to him that at that time most parents did, because doctors told us that we should. I told him they said it would prevent infection.
My ten year old said, “It would seem like cutting my penis could give me an infection. Plus, look at my face, I looked like I was in pain. It probably still hurt then, Mom.”
I said nothing, just listened.
Then he said, “Also, mom, I bet if that skin was there, it wouldn’t hurt sometimes when it rubbed against my underwear. I bet that was supposed to protect it.”
“You’re probably right,” I said.
……………(cont.)

——-

http://www.everythingbirthblog.com/2011/12/why-i-chose-to-circumcise-my-son/

This link tell of the “mother above’s” motives and regret about circumcising her son. The comment section is most insightful.

—–
A Father (not related to the above family) explains cultural quirks, customs, traditions and circumcision to his son.
Click the link below for the actual pictures and the full story of the slide show power point presentation.

http://www.restoringtally.com/blog/2010/03/fathers-talk-his-son-about-infant-circumcision

When my son came home from school today, he packed up for his camping trip and I called him downstairs to my home office area.
The Circumcision Slideshow

After a brief overview of “growing up” and all, I walk him through the following (with pics):
– Dogs with normal ears and cropped ears (the term used when ears are shortened)

– Dogs with normal tails and then docked tails (the term used when tails are removed)

– Baby girl with normal ears and the with pierced ears

– Baby boy with normal skin and one with tattoos (I just stumbled upon this); crazy to think that someone would REALLY do that!

At this point we discuss the pain that would be involved with these modifications and the idea that PERHAPS the dogs/children would not have wanted this to happen, had they been given the choice
– I then show a few pics of tribal body modification (funny neck rings) to show how different cultures do different things; one pic is of a little girl ~7 or so, with some rings on her neck and another pic is of an adult female, with ~15-20 rings on her neck (truly disturbing! And we both wanted to look away!)

We then discussed those ear lobe things and lip plate things – I did this to highlight that different cultures do different things
– I then showed a few pics of out dated medical procedures; first being “barbers” (bloodletting and all as it was thought that “bad blood” made you sick) and another with medicinal leeches (but saying that some people still use leeches since they think it can be helpful)

At this point I give him a GOOD warning that we will now get into some very private stuff
– Pic (drawing) of intact infant penis (with foreskin) and I introduce the term (foreskin; which he had never heard before) and explain that it covers the tip of the penis

I then mention that sometimes, for some reason moms/dads/doctors alter this “natural state”
– I next show him a drawing that shows 3 steps of circ (normal foreskin, skin pulled forward with a line where the cut occurs and then the circed penis, with glans exposed) – again, just drawings, did not think REAL pics were appropriate!

He gets this look of horror on his face! We spend a few minutes talking about this. I had also brought down with me a VERY LONG sock so I could try and explain how the foreskin works (folding over to protect the glans, etc…; I slid the sock onto my hand and rolled it BACK over my fist), then I explained that the glans is like the tongue and is supposed to protected, etc…. I then explained that some cultures do it (this cut thing) and that some doctors think that it is better (I left it at that); but I added that his mother and I did not want to have that done to him because we just did not think it was the right thing to do.
– I then show another picture the shows the cross section of a penis (intact, cut or circumcised) showing how the skin overlaps and protects the glans.

– Finally I show him a graph that shows that circ rates are different as per area, but that (in general) ~50% of boys are and ~50% of are not… I never used the word “uncircumcised” just “natural” or “circumcised” (using UN – IMO – suggests that circumcised is the normal way to be).

We then spend a few minutes chatting it up about how this is a private matter. I explained that sometimes when dads are one way, the boys are that way, but other times, dads can be this way and the boys can be that way. At that point I assumed he was going to ask about myself. I had always been torn as to how I would answer that question if asked by anyone (my son or a doctor). I had decided earlier in the day that IF he did ask me, I would simply say “I have a foreskin” (to say I was “normal” would be a lie and to say “I was cut” would be too painful for me). Anyway, it did not come up… and probably never will.
I then went on to say that no one should ever be teased about this, whether they are one way or the other; that if he were in a room with 10 boys and all were normal but one, that few boys (at this age) would really know why that was and that this one boy should not be teased because he was cut; then, I reversed this and asked him, if he were in a room with 10 boys and he was the only one that was “normal” and they teased him, what would he think?
My Son’s Reaction

The words that came out of his mouth warmed my heart and crystallized my decision 10 years ago (as I had always worried about his reaction to this decision).
“Well, I would know that they were the ones who got hurt.”

WHAT MORE COULD I ASK FOR?
We spoke for a few more minutes and then he wanted to LEAVE (he had had enough of this “private” discussion). I followed him upstairs and he goes and hugs his mom….
I asked him why he was hugging her. He said, “for not doing that to me.”
He then came over and hugged me (and did not let go until I made him).
As much as I’m so proud of him for understanding and happy that I had realized ALL of this before my son was born, I’m saddened.

20130204-112609.jpg

Another mom with regret

20130119-090542.jpg

20130119-090546.jpg

20130119-090550.jpg

—–
Difference between circumcised and intact
http://www.drmomma.org/2011/08/intact-or-circumcised-significant.html?m=1

20130119-091649.jpg

20130119-092002.jpg

20130119-092006.jpg

20130119-092010.jpg

(The above 3 screen shots were a random commenter on a Facebook thread)

20130119-095502.jpg

20130119-095507.jpg

—-
below is a link to pictures of a circumcision…. Look at it and realize this torture is happening to a child
http://assets4.pinimg.com/upload/295971006731352403_q5BmioSt.jpg

Article on foreskin restoration

Article on foreskin restoration via tugging or surgery
http://www.torontolife.com/features/boys-and-hood/

The Canadian Children’s Rights Council, a non-profit advocacy organization, takes the position that “all Canadian children, both male and female, should be protected by the criminal laws of Canada with regards to this aggravated assault.” No other amputation of a child’s healthy tissue is permitted on a parent’s preference. Activists hope that routine circumcision may one day follow the death throes of blood­letting and incantations, and that men will never have to resort to T-tape, skin grafts and gallon jugs of milk again.

20121008-091146.jpg

A link to a gentleman’s photo gallery of his restoration progress.

http://www.foreskinrestore.com/results_1-24months.html

“I used to be pro-circumcision: one mother’s journey- the whole network

Excerpt from: http://www.thewholenetwork.org/14/post/2011/11/i-used-to-be-pro-circumcision-one-mothers-journey.html

One last thing I’d like to share from this experience was the conversation between my husband and I, the one that sealed his decision 100%. It was hard to have to say it, but I believe it needed to be said, and it got the point across. It went a little something like this: “Let’s say that we don’t circumcise, and the worst case scenario happens: perhaps phimosis? So he has to go to the doctors for steroid cream. Maybe he will be mad that we didn’t do it when he was a baby. I know there is a tiny percent of men who wish they had been circumcised when they were children, so I will take the blame for that one. I will apologize and tell him we did our best, and that I’m sorry that he fell into the small percent of men who wish later on in life that they had been circumcised as babies. I alone will take the blame if he feels that we wronged him in some way. In return, will you take the blame if we circumcise and the worst case scenario happens? Will you apologize, and tell him we did the best we could for him? Will you look at him in his perfect little angelic face, as they lower the lid to his coffin, and tell him that you didn’t know better? That if you had of known the end result, you wouldn’t have done it? Well, let’s never find out.”

A mom tells her story, no real big complications but she carries regret

a mother’s regret: http://www.4eric.org/a-mothers-plea/

Excerpt:

In conclusion to a very long story that was very painful for me to share, the message I am trying to spread to you is do your research. Watch some videos of infant circumcision on youtube, google “circumcision risks”, talk to men who are intact if you know any, google “functions of the foreskin”, just DON’T do like I did and make a decision based on someone else’s feelings. I’m going to attach several links to some sites that I wish so badly that I had seen before my boys were born. I will warn you that some are gruesome to look at, but if you can’t stand to look at it, think about how it would feel to endure it.